If you're distressed because you didn't meet your annual goals, didn't spend enough time with your significant other/kids, or watched too much Netflix and ate crap, you're deprecating yourself!
Guilt or self-blame is the tendency to punish oneself for the mistakes made (or not yet made). Mostly with thoughts, but sometimes with actions.
If you are honest with yourself, you will notice that it is very convenient to blame yourself. Just like in childhood: the most important thing is to listen to your parents’ (now your own) morals, and after that – you're good. 😊
Some people are motivated by a self-blame episodes to change their habits. Unfortunately, all it takes is one quite serious stressor (such as a failed project at work or a conflict in the relationship) and the new routine falls apart.
That said, the ability to take responsibility is the rational side of guilt, which has two benefits:
1. On the one hand, it invites you to acknowledge and meet your needs with dignity (for example, I did not achieve my personal goals because I chose to meet the needs of my family and employer more than my own). 🧡
2. On the other hand, it invites you to understand the true nature of your needs and change your behavior (for example, although I want to be liked and loved by everyone, I understand that I will not be good for everyone, so I will say "no" more often).
In my case, the biggest source of guilt is my inability to get quality rest and take time for myself. If I were Povilas’ (my own) psychologist, I would probably have already been sentenced for ignoring the client's well-being. 😅
On the one hand, I understand that the ability to help others and constantly grow is my value, which is difficult to draw a line with. On the other hand, my body has its limits, and my body is the primary work tool.
Therefore, I allowed myself to go on vacation for a month (if you are a freelancer, you will understand how difficult it can be), and in 2022, to dedicate more time to myself: reading, writing, traveling, and new experiences. I'll share how it went. 😊
So, I wish you to beat yourself up less often in the coming year, and to turn mistakes into lessons that would encourage change in a positive direction!
P.S. I hope that nothing will stop me from returning in January to Madeira - the most beautiful island in Europe, I'm not afraid to say it. If you intend to visit, let us know, and we'll say hello! 🌴